In a weird place....

The past couple of months I've been in a really weird spot.....mentally. I can't seem to figure out what triggers it either which is incredibly irritating. I have been having anxiety attacks way more frequently then ever before so I went to the doctor to get on meds...fingers crossed that it'll work. But besides that...I just can't decide what I want. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with Preston but other than that I am at a complete loss for the direction in which I want my life to go. What do I want to go to school for when I get my license back? Where do I want to go to school? Where should Preston and I live? Oh, the questions, they never end.

Any help?

xo

Holidays :)

I love the holidays!!! It means spending time with my family and my eventual in-laws. I wish more people could remember that the holidays aren't all about getting gifts, they are for remembering what is important to you and what is important in our lives.

This Thanksgiving, I got to meet the parents...finally LOL. It was great...way too much food, but still great. It was a big weekend....Preston met EVERYONE from both sides of my family and I got to meet his as well. It was so nice. His family cracks me up.

This Christmas, I told my mom not to get me anything, I already have everything I could want. I told her that she should donate whatever money she would have spent on me. Honestly, one of the best feelings you can have at Christmas is the feeling of giving. On Christmas Eve, I went to my Grandma's house for dinner, unfortunately Preston had to work. On a positive though, my cousin K.C. surprised us all with a visit. You don't realize how much you miss someone until they are gone. On Christmas day, we had breakfast at Preston's house. His dad cooks some delicious pancakes :) and then we went to my mom's for Christmas lunch. Preston gave me the most beautiful bracelet and a necklace and earrings....I gave him a hand made Cowboy's blanket...and we watched the Cowboy's game that night. It was such a nice Christmas.

The new year is approaching so quickly! I am very excited for it!!! It means so many new challenges are headed our way and I cannot wait to see what they are :D


On a different note....
I joined a gym. I'd like to get back to the body I had in high school. I don't have unrealistic expectations, I'd just like to get back in shape. Its crazy, you don't realize it, but when you settle down with someone, suddenly you don't seem to care as much about working out and staying in shape hahahahaha. I know though that Preston will love me no matter what I look like.....unless I gained like 300 lbs. he might have a problem with it then LOL

xo

*love*

I sometimes feel the need to look to other peoples brilliance to express my feelings, for I am incapable of putting them into words. There is no way to express in entirety what I feel about him. Its been 19 months of crazy ups and downs and I still feel like a little girl falling in love for the first time every time I am with him. He is an amazing man and I love him more and more each day. We bring out the best and the worst in each other and somehow find a way to still love each other. So I leave you with some tidbits of greatness to help express how I feel....


~Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
-Peter Ustinov
*A life lived in love will never be dull.
-Leo Buscaglia
~Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.
-C.S. Lewis
*We need not think alike to love alike.
-David Ferenc
~I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
*Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
-Rose Franken


My world has changed so much since I have met Preston and I am loving every minute of it. I really believe that I have found "my other half". He puts up with my "crazy" and I with his lack of communication, we are finding that beautiful balance that not many couples are so lucky to find. The ability each of us has to put up with and look past the flaws in the other only makes us stronger.

So to my love,
I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you :)

The past few days :D

The past few days I have been nannying a few kids...well not really kids...tweens. I have loved every minute of it. I have also been watching a little boy and girl during the day while the "tweens" are at school. I forgot how much I love and adore being around children. It brings a great sense of joy to my life knowing that I am helping and enriching the lives of others. I think that when I get my car/license back I will most definitely be looking into a sitting job on the side...as well as continuing my work at the golf course. I don't think I could quit there anytime soon. I love the social aspect of it and I adore the old men that come in there to visit with me. They crack me up with all their stories of the "good old days" and their not so subtle perverted comments. They are just freaking hilarious.

I love my life and everyone in it! I could not have asked for a better life or better people to accompany me on this adventurous roller coaster. So to everyone that I have kept around thank you for all that you do and I hope we can have many more memories. And for the ones that have made appearances in my life...whether short term or long term...Whether we were friends or just acquaintances, whether we ended on good or bad terms, I thank you as well. You have all helped shaped me into the person I am and am becoming. All of you have given me valuable lessons and wonderful memories.

xo

Another year...come and gone

As my birthday approaches...yet again, I have been doing some major relflecting on everything that has occured in my life for the past year. I have realized that I am much stronger emotionally than I ever gave myself credit for. I have gone through so many changes all of which I have been able to find the silver lining in.

Its crazy to think that my birthday last year, Preston and I weren't sure if we were right for each other, or if we could make it past all the hurtful things we had done/said to each other. But now we are both so very aware of how lucky we were to have found each other that very odd night back in April of 2009. We really have become so much closer through all of our struggles, and we both have been able to help each other with whatever the other one has come across. Preston is my rock and my shoulder to cry on, he is my other half, and he is the love of my life. I cannot wait to see what this crazy thing called life has in store for us next. All I know is that it will make us stronger both as individuals and as a couple.

Back in April of this year, I got a DUI and I disappointed a lot of people that are close to me and that support me. I lost my license until I turn 21 and I am on probation until December of this year. This was one of the major changes in my life that has helped me to become more positive and always look on the bright side. I learned who will really always be there for me and support me even when I make a mistake. Preston, my family, and the Cook's I thank you for all that you have done for me and all the support that you have shown me these last few months. I also learned that a lot of people who claimed to be my friend....really were just fake, toxic people who I no longer needed in my life. Although losing one of those people made me sad temporarily, I have come to the conclusion that she was never really my friend....I was a friend to her and I was there when she needed me, but the feeling was not mutual. Another silver lining to this incident was that I got to start working full time at the golf course...and next season will more than likely become manager :)

As my birthday comes ever closer...I have bitter sweet feelings. Part of me wants to go back in time so that I can still be a teenager....then reality sets in and I realize that I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. I have the love and support of an amazing man. My family is always there for me through thick and thin. I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be...with a few minor bumps in the road along the way. With my new attitude and perspective on life though, those bumps in the road will only make me stronger in the long run.

xo

Odd....

I find it odd how when we don't "condone" or "agree" with things other people are doing...its usually because we, ourselves, have been doing or done something along the same lines. We find ourselves angry and the project that on to the people around us rather than looking inwards and seeing what we don't like about ourselves.
Case in point; a "friend" of mine recently left my life...honestly, I couldn't be happier. But that is beside the point. During our last conversation, I told her she was toxic..to much drama...etc. I thought about it for a while....was I not the one feeding into it? I wouldn't have been overwhelmed with the drama in her life had I not pushed for more information. I find it amusing to read she doesn't "condone" what I am/was doing....and that I am such a liar...perhaps it is time for her to do some inward looking of her own.


***Went to court on June 14...all charges except one were dropped. 6 months probation and then I'm all done :)

Oregon in 2 weeks...cannot wait!!! I'm disappointed that Preston couldn't get the time off work to come up with us :( We have grown so much stronger and closer as a couple in the past while it is amazing...I don't want to be without him. We have made so much progress <3

My life is so fantastic now and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

Lyrics for every occasion LOL

~You taught my heart a sense I never knew it had.

*You're so angelic, your words so symphonic.

~We give each other the strength to make it through the darkness.

*You say you're done, you swear you've gave it up. Running in circles, you don't even care that you're going nowhere.

~I've broken both my legs falling for you.

*You lie through your teeth, you won't let me down, and you lie, I deserve better than this.

~Believe the news, I'm gone for good.

*I didn't care that you left and abandoned me, what hurts more, is I would still die for you.